Moving Through Transitions as a Highly Sensitive Soul
Looking to nature to see the beauty in transitions!
In the midst of a life transition myself, I feel my heart wide open to this universal human experience. Life is a series of transitions. They come, one after the other, sometimes overlapping, weaving together, and they don’t ever truly stop coming. There may be periods of respite, in which you feel more grounded, only to find that once again you are whisked away into the next transition. Or at least this has been my experience! Recognizing these truths allows us to offer ourselves understanding. Whether the change is “supposed” to be positive or negative, we can begin to embrace the complexity inherent in transitions.
All transitions have the capacity to bring on feelings of groundlessness, confusion or feeling “off”. For highly sensitive souls, the experience of loss, grief and anxiety can be profound and sometimes scary. While these feelings are normal and so, so human, you’ll likely agree that we all would like to minimize our share of avoidable suffering and respond as well as we can in the face of difficulty. In this post, I want to focus on big life transitions as they are often a source of significant upheaval. When we are willing to take a closer look and attune during transitions, we open ourselves up to meaningful opportunities for personal growth.
But first, what are transitions?
Transitions are not the same as change. Transition is the process by which one comes to terms with a change. It is the process of letting go of how things are or used to be, and reorienting to the way things are now or going to be soon. They often impact our identity and how we see ourselves. Transition is a path to the next phase of your life.
Examples of life transitions:
Moving-in
Engagement
Marriage
Entering a new decade (30’s, 40’s, 50’s etc).
Pregnancy
Birth
Death of a loved one
Midlife
Retirement
New siblings
School graduations
Moving
Leaving home
Divorce or separation of parents
College
First job / new jobs
Job loss
Break-ups
Illness
And what does it mean to “be in transition”?
Transitions may kick off at an ending, a beginning, or in anticipation of a change. To be in transition means you are walking a path towards what’s next. It starts by recognizing what you’re experiencing as part of a transition. Eventually, the transition path will lead you to question, “what is it time for me to let go of?” It can be scary and difficult to walk the path, but there isn’t much choice. It is a path that fortunately leads to personal growth. Transition involves grieving the old and moving towards embracing what’s new.
What are the common experiences of transition?
Transitions will often create a sense of confusion and groundlessness. It is as if we don’t know who we are or what to do in the face of the change before us. Of course, anxiety loves nothing more than to run rampant in the midst of transition. Because so many of us have difficulty tolerating uncomfortable emotions such as grief and uncertainty, anxiety kicks in. Fears that this feeling will never go away, fears that these emotions mean we are doing the wrong thing, or that something is wrong with us and the urge to “get over it” and force ourselves to feel differently are common.
There may also be paradoxical emotions present, or emotions that run counter to what you might expect or what is socially sanctioned. There may be a mix of sadness and relief in losing a job, for example. There may be excitement present alongside fear, in the instance of preparing to welcome a baby. Loneliness is a massively under-appreciated aspect of transitions. Transitions have a way of highlighting our essential alone-ness, because no one can perfectly understand what it means to be you in this moment. Even if the transition is something multiple people are going through, such as two people getting married, the experience of that change will be different for each person.
Because transitions often accompany some stress and strife, they are ripe with chances for old wounds to resurface. It may be a dynamic with a parent for instance, that you thought you had moved on from, that rears it’s head again. Instead of interpreting this as a bad thing, normalizing it and seeing it as an opportunity to work through another layer of that old hurt is useful. These “difficult” emotions and experiences are a call to deeper consciousness. Instead of wishing them away, try to see them as roadsigns indicating you are moving towards growth.
How are transitions different for highly sensitive people?
HSP’s may find that they start anticipating and engaging in the transition process earlier and more intensely than others. A common instance is the HSP bride who starts grieving her single identity long before the wedding day. HSP’s depth of processing makes them more keenly aware of the losses associated with the marriage transition. An HSP’s reaction to leaving a job they dislike may be textured and nuanced with relief, fear, sadness, grief, uncertainty, joy and hopefulness, all at once or depending on the moment. It may be challenging to accept the changes because HSP’s often find peace in maintaining routines.
What happens when we disconnect during transitions?
When transitions are not fully grieved, they often manifest as anxiety, rupture and suffering. If we don’t take care of our emotions during transitions, they often intensify until we are forced to reckon with them. Moving through a transition holding on to a lot of resistance can dampen the potential for joy and appreciation of what is good about the new phase. Because we might cling to the past and not acknowledging or processing emotions thoroughly, we may feel a sense of loss, unfairness, and sadness in a drawn out or unhelpful way.
What supports transitions?
When a transition is well managed, it makes the process less painful. Viewing transitions as a time of difficulty and opportunity can make them more tolerable, and even meaningful. When you grieve fully, and let go of what needs to be released, you will find more peace and contentment with life.
Tools to support transitions:
Writing letters to what you are letting go of (single life, your job, college etc).
Crying when strong emotions arise.
Sharing your feelings with a trusted other.
Practicing gratitude for what that time in your life meant to you.
Turning towards your pain as a wise inner parent (the part of you that can embrace nuance and compassion).
Rituals from your religious tradition or secular ones you invent yourself.
Journaling Prompts: What is it time to let go of? In what way are you outgrowing the identity that you’ve had for so long?
Helpful reminders to those in transition:
You can simultaneously grieve what you’re letting go of and know that your next step is right for you.
Grief doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake, aren’t ready or need to go back.
Grieving makes space for joy.
The more we grieve on the front end before the transition, the more we can celebrate the new phase.
Tending to emotions during transition isn’t one-and-done, when difficult emotions emerge you will need to attend to them again for as long as necessary.
No mud, no lotus - transitions involve difficulty, we can’t nor should we expect to glide through effortlessly.
If you’d like support through your transition, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
