Keys to Living an Aligned Life: Mindfulness (blog series)

Have you ever felt like you're living a life that doesn't quite feel right? Maybe you find yourself constantly caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, feeling disconnected from your true self and your purpose. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Many people struggle to live a life that feels aligned with who they are and what they care about the most. 

This is the first blog in a series I intend to write on the “keys” to living an aligned life. Mindfulness is a critical skill for living a more aligned life.

But first, what is an aligned life anyway?

When we talk about living a more aligned life, we're referring to a sense of harmony between your thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Feelings of contentment, fulfillment and joy are frequent visitors because your actions and reactions match up what feels true to you. The details of what matters is for you to decide. What are your deeply held values? What makes life feel fun? Having an aligned life means feeling connected to yourself so well that your decisions feel purposeful, you are free from influences that don’t serve you, and you can support yourself through life’s inevitable challenges. 

In modern times, it seems like we are in a better position to live an aligned life than in generations past. And in many ways that is true. However, this is all way easier said than done. Enter the “keys” as I’m calling them. These are the concepts and practices I teach and collaborate on with clients repeatedly to help them get to know themselves, sift through the internalized junk, and make small, unique, and powerful changes that make a difference in their lives.

I am starting with mindfulness because it is the first practice I start when working with a new client. I encourage all clients to “start noticing” their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, reactions etc. between sessions. In order to truly begin, we have to start from where we are. If we don’t know what’s really going on or how it makes us feel, we’ll be stumbling around in the dark trying to find what’s deeply right for us.

Reactions vs. Mindful Responses

For a moment picture yourself having recently ended a romantic relationship. It hurts deeply, and your world feels upside down. You find yourself feeling a mix of hating them and missing them. You notice your work performance and friendships are suffering because your attention is elsewhere. Now imagine these two internal responses to the same situation:

• How could this be happening? I can’t stand feeling this way. I wasted so much time on them, and now I’m wasting more time failing to move on! There must be something wrong with me. 

• This hurts so much. It makes sense that this is hard for me. It’s only human that this would affect me. I don’t like that this happened, but it did. This is allowed to be complicated. I’m not alone in feeling this way. 

It’s plain to see the differences in these responses. Can you identify how you felt reading each one? How about this response?

• I hate feeling like this, I’m so frustrated! I get why though, it’s so hard for me to tolerate difficult emotions. I’m afraid of running out of time and wasting my life, and I know deep down I just want to be well. I feel so mad with myself for missing them, but when I take a step back, I wouldn’t blame a friend for feeling that way. It’s a big change to my everyday life. 

Hopefully through these vignettes you can get a felt sense of how incorporating mindfulness can be life-changing. The first two demonstrate extremes as a learning point, and the third offers a more realistic take on incorporating mindfulness during a difficult experience.

Mindfulness and Therapy Overlap

Many people find themselves seeking therapy when they get stuck during a difficult time in their lives. Receiving non-judgmental support and a place to lay it all out through therapy is in many ways analogous to mindfulness. My personal approach to therapy centers on building a kinder relationship with yourself, of which mindfulness is a key component. 

Being compassionate with ourselves first requires gaining awareness of what is happening in the present moment, aka mindfulness. Once we are aware of what’s happening, summoning the courage to accept what is and to act wisely is also needed. If we can start practicing mindful awareness we are already half-way to compassion. 

Mindfulness has been gaining increasing attention in the field of psychotherapy in recent years. It has its roots in ancient contemplative practices and are now widely used in a variety of therapeutic approaches. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and acceptance. Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment, rather than getting caught up in thoughts about the past or worries about the future. Mindfulness is a key component of Self-Compassion Focused Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT).

In and out of therapy, mindfulness can be used to help individuals develop greater awareness of their thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. By becoming more mindful, individuals can learn to observe their experiences without judgment or reactivity, which can lead to greater emotional regulation and reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Benefits of Mindfulness:

• reduction in reactivity 

• increased psychological flexibility

• greater emotional regulation

• enhanced self-awareness and emotional intelligence

• recognizing patterns that contribute to stress

• making better choices

• greater empathy and compassion for yourself and others

There are many ways to practice mindfulness in your everyday life. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Just start noticing. This is my most used strategy that anyone can do. Set the intention to take note of feelings as they arise. You might notice tension in your shoulders- just notice that. What’s going on around you at that moment? Noticing just means being curious about your inner experiences as they are happening.

2.  Start a mindfulness meditation practice. You don't need to spend hours meditating every day to see the benefits of mindfulness. Even just a few minutes of mindfulness meditation each day can help you become more present and self-aware.

3. Practice mindful relationships. When you're in a conflict with someone, try to practice acceptance by acknowledging their feelings and experiences without judgment. This can help you find common ground and resolve conflicts more effectively.

4. Engage in creative activities. Creativity can be a powerful tool for practicing mindfulness. When you're engaged in a creative activity, you're fully present in the moment and not worrying about the past or future. Whether you enjoy painting, writing, or playing music, find a creative activity that brings you joy and allows you to connect with your inner self.

5. Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself is an essential part of living a more aligned life. Make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as exercise, reading, or spending time with loved ones. Prioritizing self-care can help you reduce stress and find greater balance in your life.

6. Reflect on your values and goals. Spend some time reflecting on what's truly important to you. Identify your core values and think about how you can incorporate them into your daily life. Set goals that are in line with your values and work towards them each day.

Living a more aligned life requires intentional effort and self-reflection. By practicing mindfulness, you can start to let go of external expectations and focus on what's truly important to you. When you're in alignment with your values and beliefs, you can live a more purposeful and fulfilling life. So take some time to practice mindfulness today, and see how it can transform your life for the better.