Winter Reflection: Slowing Down
The trees are bare, everything is grey, and sunshine is hard to come by. On top of the usual, the uncertainty caused by COVID and our political climate is making winter especially hard this year. It is harder to connect to others and we can’t always rely on the same activities and gatherings we once enjoyed to make the winter season tolerable.
Feelings of anxiety and sadness are common in winter.
You aren’t alone. Difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal and increased fatigue are also all winter hallmarks. This human experience is well documented and you likely don’t need an article to tell you that. Even though we know these things to be true, I wonder if we really accept this reality. Especially at the beginning of the year. A “fresh start” can often feel like a lot of pressure when we already may not be feeling our best.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the value of slowing down. It feels appropriate in winter to settle into a softer, slower pace of life. Any time is a good time to consider the benefits of slowing down, though I do think winter beats out the other seasons! When you slow down, you notice more. Seeing more often means feeling more. When we climb down from the hamster wheel, we can better notice what’s going on around and within us.
When we make that conscious effort to slow down, to really look at our surroundings rather than just passively seeing, the world becomes richer, more vibrant.
We see more nuance, more depth in the dull greys of winter.
It is this looking, this awareness, that grounds us - connects us to our bodies and allows us to better feel the full constellation of human emotions.
Looking as a means of connecting to our emotional side is foundational to my work as a therapist. I thought I’d take some time today to dive into my thoughts and feelings on this topic.
Have you ever felt like January is the last time you’d want to kick start a new habit? Just around this time, people everywhere are wistfully looking back on their New Year’s resolutions they so earnestly set out to accomplish on January 1st.
Maybe you’re feeling discouraged? Frustrated?
Trust me, I’ve been there. Shortly after the common realization that we have not lived up to our expectations, along comes guilt, shame and self-criticism. The familiar thought “what’s wrong with me” might start playing on a loop as you take time out of your day to beat yourself up.
I’m here to say, not so fast! Try asking yourself, isn’t it winter? If you live in the northern hemisphere, it’s cold, dreary and dark outside. It may be a new year, but how inspired do you really feel to go on that walk, start that project, or whatever ambitious undertaking you originally conceived.
Something just feels fundamentally mismatched between New Year’s resolutions and winter. I know I can’t be alone in thinking this. Enter, self-awareness!
If we turn our attention to what excites us about winter, we end up enjoying it a lot more. For me, this means cooking some seriously hearty meals, drinking copious amounts of tea, donning fluffy socks, baking bread, burrowing under blankets, and staying as cozy as humanly possible. And all of these things are s l o w …. Not rushing, taking one’s time, and enjoying the process.
When we turn our attention to how we’re feeling, and what our world really looks like, we develop awareness that genuinely helps us meet the challenges of winter.
But Julia! You may be thinking, how can I start tuning into how I feel and what’s going on around me?
Let’s harness the power of slowing down to notice two things: our outer and inner world. By practicing awareness in these two domains, you can meet the challenges and enjoy the good that comes along with winter. I’ll break down what I mean:
Outer world. By this I am referring to what is going on around you. Let’s slow down and observe:
What’s the weather like?
How busy are things at work?
How are my family / important people?
When is the sun going down?
How is my community/neighborhood doing?
What are some chance observations slightly out of the ordinary?
I suggest writing a list of what’s going on in your outer world, and then doing the same with your inner world.
Inner world. The inner would refers to your emotions, thoughts, and experience in your body. Slow down and observe:
How do I feel right now?
What has been on my mind lately?
Where am I holding tension?
What am I worried about?
What am I happy or grateful for?
How has my communication been?
Make these observations and write them down. How do you feel while writing these things down?
Notice what comes up.
These prompts are just to get you started on your practice of noticing your inner and outer worlds. Awareness is power, because it helps us make aligned choices from a place of knowledge, instead of just going with what you “should” be doing.
You may be thinking, if I acknowledge I’m ____insert human emotion here__ I’ll never get anything done! That reaction is normal. Just try it on for size — test out how it feels. I trust that you’ll still continue to do what matters, even if you acknowledge your feelings.
You may start feeling or coming up with complex, contradictory, sad or grateful emotions, thoughts and observations about the winter months. All of those things are okay. I’m sorry to disappoint, but there is no magic bullet, no winter routine or skill that will work for everyone. This is why therapists rarely give direct advice.
But fear not!
The good news is self-awareness (connecting to your experiences and feelings) allows you to connect to the skills, routines and resources that will specifically help you.
So now that you’ve acknowledged what’s going on in our two domains- your inner and outer world, ask yourself:
What do I need at this moment?
Believe it or not, our bodies and minds are excellent at telling us what we need. The trick is to slow down enough to listen.
If it feels difficult to listen or you find yourself dismissing these needs as frivolous or undeserved, try imagining your closest/most loving friend telling you what you need. Often, we put so much pressure on ourselves being perfect that we don’t allow any room for self-compassion.
For me, I’ve answered this question differently depending on the moment or day. Sometimes it’s journaling, sometimes it's a phone call or setting a boundary, and sometimes it’s tuning out the world for awhile.
While I’m giving you some ideas as examples, I encourage you to go your own way and do what feels warming, nourishing and good to you during this dreary time.
Whatever strategy or routine you decide to take up, I encourage you to hold yourself accountable to your feelings. It can be so easy to get caught up with pressure from work, school and other things that feel like more of a priority than you. But try to remember what you said felt good. By doing so, you show yourself you are worthy of comfort, joy and experiencing this season with self-compassion and kindness.
Sending out some virtual warmth, stay cozy out there!
If this post resonates with you and you’re looking for support, please feel welcome to reach out to me here.
