Reflection: The Wisdom of Fall
The view from my apartment looks out on a forested area. I moved into this space in January, when there wasn’t a leaf in sight. Snow blanketed the branches and I could clearly see a road that winded through in the distance. Months later when spring arrived, I gleefully watched the light green buds of spring emerge and slowly transform the scene. As the summer set in, the new leaves slowly but surely darkened and grew larger. Eventually, all the gaps between the branches filled in. Each tree’s leaves combined with its neighbors to create a rolling, dense carpet of green.
I’ve loved having a deeper connection to the seasonal changes this year. I enjoyed each season, but fall is definitely my most eagerly awaited time of year. Now that October is here, I’m relishing the daily changes unfolding outside my window. What started as a tinge of fall is now intensifying. We haven’t hit peak fall in Philadelphia yet, which I’m glad for because I want to savor it for as long as I can. I get goofy, giddy in fall. I love the crisp air, the crunching of the leaves, the smells - all of it. Fall is the start of cozy season, and it invites us to recognize how natural and essential it is to have seasons of slowing down, going inward, and letting go.
Towards the end of this summer, I could see some big personal changes on the horizon. The changes started by letting go of a part-time private practice job that I had for years. Even though this change was exciting, it was happening because my practice is growing, I felt scared to let go of the safety net that had supported me through the uncertainties of starting my own practice. Around the same time, I was submitting my paperwork for my therapy license. I had been working diligently to collect my hours, studying and meeting with my supervisors ever since graduating. There was always a sense of urgency to reach this big milestone in my career. Now that it was finally upon me, I realized that up until this point in my living memory, I had almost always had some big stressful something to occupy my mind. School, college, jobs that weren’t for me, grad school, licensure. I was honestly freaked out. I kept thinking, what am I going to do with myself? Doubts crept in: Am I truly ready to embrace the slower, more present way of being I said I wanted? Always having my mind on something big had kept me safe from the fears that come along with the “audacity” of pursuing my sometimes unconventional desires. A little voice said, “who are you to not be striving in the same way as before”. Even though this change was something I had dreamed about, it all felt very uncertain and strange.
In the midst of these changes, I find myself depending on the wisdom of fall. I write these reminders to myself and to you in the spirit of embracing the changing season and our changing selves.
Fall reminds us to celebrate endings.
Leaves don’t just drop off and keep it moving. They go out with a sense of flair and beauty. Fall reminds us to take the time to recognize joys and successes from the year. It also helps us appreciate the power of moving on from what hasn’t been serving you. While the leaves have helped the tree grow, now it’s time for a new chapter in life. Let the reds, yellows, browns and golds fill you up with a sense of celebration even though the summer has ended. Endings aren’t always synonymous with sadness. Admire the leaves as they gently flit to the ground and dance in the wind, and do the same for your own “leaves”.
Fall reminds us that we are part of nature.
One of my many gripes about modern life is this illusion we can fall into that we are separate from nature. In reality, we are intimately connected to nature. Just like nature, we too go through cycles. Fall helps us see how natural it is for things to fall way to make room for new growth. Instead of interpreting difficult seasons of life as something wrong or a failure, fall can remind you that difficult periods are a part of natural life cycles. Its okay and even essential to get by on the bare minimum at times. Life has an ebb and flow.
Fall reminds us of the fleeting nature of all things.
What happened to those endless summer days? What happened to that feeling of joy that’s escaping me now? It’s all okay, fall says. Fall models and encourages us to accept impermanence. No season or feeling can last forever. But they do come back around. Just as joy is fleeting, sadness or fear do eventually subside and give way to other emotions. We don’t always get to choose when our fall comes, but we can take heart in knowing that things inevitably change.
Fall reminds us to slow down.
The days are shorter. We spend more time indoors. All the busy growing and doing gradually calms down. All the activities of summer can leave us feeling swept up in a frenzy of activity. Fall invites us to approach the day differently. Observing subtle changes in nature is a beautiful way to connect to the present moment. Take a gentle walk through crunchy leaves and tap into the senses. Breathe.
Fall reminds us to have trust and hope.
The fact that we can enjoy fall shows us how much trust and hope we humans really do have. Even though we may mourn the changes and feel hesitant to experience the cold and dark of winter, this doesn’t stop fall lovers from loving fall. I feel we intuitively trust that spring will come. We have hope that this cyclical process will bring new growth and beauty.
Fall reminds us to be prepared.
The reason the leaves change colors has to do with the tree pulling the nutrients out of the leaves to prepare for winter. Fall reminds us that we too should prepare and take actions to help us endure through winter. Taking a few steps now to prepare for winter is an act of self-compassion during difficult times.
Fall reminds us to let go.
After the big celebration of colors, the trees let go of their leaves because they are no longer needed. Fall reminds us that we all need to let go at times in order to thrive and grow. We might need to let go of critical or harmful beliefs about ourselves that are more story than reality. We may realize that we have outgrown certain relationships, jobs, habits or priorities we once felt we needed. Even though letting go can be scary, it’s a necessary component of life.
Being with the emotional impact of fall:
While I love fall, this season isn’t without its difficult emotions. It’s still sad to say goodbye to summer and look onwards to winter with trepidation. Even though the changes in my life have been good ones, I’m opening space and acceptance to be wobbly and messy with how I feel. Letting go of the job was hard because I appreciated all it had done for me in the past. Now that the job was holding me back more than it was helping, I had to grapple with my appreciation for it, recognizing that my circumstances had changed, and my fear of taking the leap in order to make space for new growth. Getting my license was so exciting! And I also felt unmoored at the loss of the part of my identity that was tied up in achievement, being a student, and having a learning community. When I’m faced with these big and nuanced feelings, I’m reminding myself that all emotions are welcome. The trees don’t fight with themselves, think they’re too much or spend too much time second guessing themselves. ;) They transition gracefully and slowly with trust that the natural rhythms will carry them through the year. As I settle in to a new normal, and a new perception of myself, very, very imperfectly, I encourage you to allow the same for yourself and the changes in your life.
When the leaves start dropping, a new clarity emerges that’s hard to see when swept up in the busy flow of summer. A few weeks into my new normal, I’m realizing that when I surrender to the changes I feel more present, more embodied, and I’m more connected to my experience. Stress shows up and old stories do what they do any try to distract me like aways. The difference is I have a reminder to come back to these reminders as a practice. The slowness of fall is allowing me to craft a balanced and calm daily routine that feels cozy and nurturing. I feel gratitude for this season’s gentle wisdom that can help steady us through change.
I wonder what fall means to you? Is it a time for reflection? A time for looking into the past or going inward? What “leaves” do you want to let go of?
Warmly,
Julia
