Compassion Practices for Holiday Anxiety
If you’re asking yourself “why do I struggle with holidays?” Let me tell you: your experience makes complete sense. While the holiday season can bring cheer and joy, it can also bring out worry, painful family dynamics, grief and anxiety. The days are getting shorter, it’s colder and as of December 2021, we are still in a global pandemic. There are financial, work and family pressures that increase during the holiday season. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with feeling extra stressed around the holidays.
These stressors are reason enough to pay particular attention to how we are showing up for ourselves during this season, while there are many more that I could list. It is in these moments of heightened anxiety that we could most use an anchor. The holidays can be unpredictable, but with a little loving awareness they need not leave us completely drained and burnt-out. We have more control than we think we do when it comes to combating holiday stress.
How do holidays affect mental health?
I’ve identified 10 common mental health concerns that can be triggered or worsened by the holidays and followed them up with some short compassion practices you can try out this holiday season:
Sadness & Depression: We’ve gone through a lot these last few years. Feelings of sadness and depression about our lives or the current global context can leave us feeling far from festive. Often, the pressure to be happy or thoughts that we “should” be happy around the holidays can exacerbate feelings of sadness and depression.
Compassion Practice: Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling and let go of “shoulds”.
Social Anxiety / Nerves: There are often more social commitments around the holidays, especially with people that you may only see at this time of year. The quantity and intensity of these gatherings and the lead up to them can cause a spike in social nervousness and anxiety.
Compassion Practice: Develop a plan about how many gatherings you can attend and honor your limits.
Family Dynamics: Living separately from our families can give us much needed respite from long-standing family dynamic issues. During the holidays, it is common for these stressful patterns to show up as you spend more time together or have to collaborate on events.
Compassion Practice: Take breaks throughout the day, place a hand on your heart and remind yourself that this is temporary.
Grief and Loss: Because the holidays are a time for celebrating with our loved ones, this time can amplify feelings of loss and grief for those who are no longer with us. We may feel their absence more strongly when we are reminded of past holiday memories.
Compassion Practice: Feel your feelings and find a small way to honor your loved one, such as cooking something they enjoyed or lighting a candle for them.
Family / Social Pressure: This one is not exclusive to family! Friends and Coworkers can pile on the pressure to attend gatherings, participate in gift exchanges and potlucks, all which can add to a sense of overwhelm and anxiety around the holidays.
Compassion Practice: Remind yourself that you have the final say in what you participate in.
Gift Giving and Financial Stress: The holidays have been highly commercialized and it’s easy to get sucked into stress about giving the perfect, appropriate and meaningful gift. The financial strain caused by holiday gift-giving and travel can wear on anyone’s mental wellbeing.
Compassion Practice: Set a budget for yourself and stick to it. Remind yourself that the value of a gift isn’t it’s monetary value, but rather that it comes from you.
Lack of Sunlight: The impact of seasonal changes on mental health is well documented. Our brain chemistry shifts in response to a lack of light, which can create a sense of fatigue, moodiness and depression.
Compassion Practice: Take one of your breaks outside while the sun is out, or purchase a light lamp and use it daily.
Societal Stressors: Perhaps the holidays just haven’t been your thing, or the mainstream conception of the holidays does not fit within your culture or values. The holidays being dominated by Christmas can feel uncomfortable. Additionally, with the pandemic ongoing, public policy and differences around how seriously those around you are taking the pandemic is another source of understandable stress.
Compassion Practice: Acknowledge the feelings, validate yourself and seek out activities that feel affirming to you.
Isolation: Many people will not be able to travel home, be with loved ones, or have others to celebrate with during the holidays. A sense of isolation at any time of year has a significant impact on mental health, and these feelings of isolation can be intensified around the holidays.
Compassion Practice: Find small ways to feel connected or helpful to your community by donating, volunteering or making a phone call to someone you care about.
High Expectations: It’s natural to want a joy filled and easy holiday experience. Oftentimes, we can feel let down when any of the above issues (among others) show up for us during the holiday season. Social media and movies can give off the false impression that the holidays are a perfect time of year.
Compassion Practice: Practice noticing that the holidays are also real life. Real life can be joyful and meaningful and will also have inevitable upsets and difficulties. It’s also okay to feel disappointed.
So how can I reduce my anxiety during the holidays?
Take good care of yourself this holiday season by incorporating some of these small practices that will allow you to tap into your inner wisdom, needs and values. Through slowing down and listening carefully to your inner thoughts, feelings and sensations, you’ll unlock the roadmap to reducing your holiday anxiety. The key points to remember are that:
Image Credit Haley Drew This
Your feelings make sense.
You don’t have to prove yourself or meet unrealistic expectations.
Your needs are important.
You can implement healthy boundaries.
You deserve a breath / break.
You can do what’s meaningful to YOU!
Wishing you a peaceful and meaningful holiday season!
